I haven't been here fer a while, so I accept I may have missed this.

I was loving the artwork that came with the free CD, but it's all just photos. I can't find an explanation (which is the main thing, really) as to why we no longer have this beautiful art.
Que pasa, folks?

I like to browse through the CDs in my local library - it's a good way of finding out what there is out there I may enjoy.
The problem is that they have to bow to a certain amount of pressure from the borrowing public. It makes sense, really; after all, who's going to borrow something that is so avant-garde (read 'shite')

That means there's a lot of reality show by-product (Leona Lewis, The MacDonald Brothers etc ad nauseum), and a fair amount of what could charitably be called 'household names'.

Even when you manage to find some (comparably) left-field choices, it will still be the more mainstream choices.
The Mission? Check.
Lacuna Coil? Who?

OK, let's try something else - Gentle Giant? Erm... I've heard of them...

OK, I have to admit, I am being unfair. The library has no started stocking acts that I've either not heard before (Electric Prunes) or even heard of.

Still, the fact remains that there is a stupid amount of certain artists; Robbie Williams (DON'T START), Genesis, Frank Sinatra and, for some bizarre reason, Ozric Tentacles.
The thing is, most of the CDs here are covered by the classification 'compilation'. Either that, or it's a live album.
Do we really need another collection?
Genesis did 15 studio albums, 6 live and 7 compilations.
Guess what? Every single one of those collections was compiled AFTER the last studio album.

I know we had a thread recently about the need for compilations from barely-established acts, but I wanted to have a rant about the unnecessary ones.
The Beautiful South had a decent collection (Carry On Up The Charts) partway into their career. Why couldn't they do a second one at the end containing just the later singles? No, they put out a single CD with a cherry picked few spanning the whole career. And don't get me started on the recent 'Soup' compilation.

Having just spoken in another thread about having danced the Can-Can (Bad Manners version, naturally - I am a ska fan, after all...), I thought I'd post this.

I'm short, fat and white. After a childhood of humiliation at family get-togethers (in a line on the floor doing some stupid boat thing to the Gap Band's Oops Upside Your Head), I developed a great aversion to the whole rhythmic movement thing.

Over time, I developed what I happily referred to as "the only dance I will ever do". I call it The Limpet.
It's very easy: find a chair, sit on it and only move when it's safe to do so.

Having said that, take a glance at an earlier comment of mine. That's right, the one about ska.
If there's some good ska playing, then I will have a go. OK, so it generally helps that all it involves is bouncing up and down with arms going everywhere, but it's not The Limpet, is it? Unfortunately, most weddings etc tend to be a little shy of these tunes, so it's a rare occasion when these things happen.

But an actual gig? great stuff.

I went to a ska night some years back with a couple of friends. Bad Manners were headlining (pre-slimming days) supported by two other bands Colonel Hathi (now defunct, sadly) and... er... someone else.
Partway into the first act, it was like a switch had been flicked. All of a sudden, from a state of standing around, nodding slightly, everyone in the room was bouncing around like lunatics.
And we didn't stop. Even between sets, there was a compilation disc playing, so we carried on dancing to that.
It was hot and cramped, with poor ventilation and beer on the floor. People were collapsing every now and then through heat, beer or slippage.
I did quite well, until a couple of tracks from the end. 'Lip Up Fatty' had just begun and a recognition-fuelled bolt of adrenaline fooled me into believing things were ok. Seconds later, my right leg gave up. Nothing drastic; it just didn't fancy any more of this 'dancing' lark. I completed a neat 90-degree sweep and found myself lying sideways on the floor. In the meantime, my left leg was completely unaware of events and was still dancing away...

The gig over, we piled into the car and drove home, stopping on the way at a garage to get some supplies. It took us a couple of minutes to get out of the car, mind you, and I reckon the late-night attendant nearly shit himself when he saw us three shuffling across the forecourt like refugees from 'Thriller'...

Ah, those were the days. I hit 40 next year, and The Limpet is looking more and more attractive. More so than 'Dad-dancing, anyway.

This has probably been done before, but I was reminded of my own wedding and its preparations.

Not being religious, we weren't about to be married in a church. As with all weddings, however, we were required to meet with someone beforehand to discuss details. In our case, the registrar.

This was always going to be a contentious issue between Julie and myself, but I frankly never expected the amount of trouble we had from the registrar; appropriate music for the occasion.

It turns out there is a list of 'dos and don'ts' for wedding music. I can understand that it's not entirely appropriate for - picking an example at random, here - Slayer to be played in a church. Surely though, a secular wedding shouldn't have nearly so much trouble?

How untrue. At the time of our happy day, we were informed, in no uncertain terms that 'no inappropriate music would be allowed'. When I pushed for details, it seemed that there was a little revenge going on, as they were banning anything that had religious connotations. As it happens, I'd heard something along these lines and said, "That includes Robbie Williams' song 'Angels', doesn't it?"*
"Don't you consider angels to be religious iconography?" came the reply.
After a very quick count to ten, I said, "It's about his mother, though!" Thinks; you jumped-up cow

In any case, we weren't too worried about that song. We were then told we had to choose music that was appropriate for the occasion, to which Julie said, "does that mean we can't have 'Smack My Bitch Up'?"

We were asked to leave at that point.

On the day, we had the following tunes for the ceremony:

Genesis - 'Horizons' (bridal entry - my choice)
Bette Midler - 'The Rose' (signing the register - NOT my choice)
Stereophonics - 'Handbags and Gladrags' (leaving the ceremony - our tune)

* Don't start. I know your prejudices. Leave the Robbie bashing alone for a while, eh?

I worked in a record shop some years ago - and I mean record. Vinyl, you know? Anyhow, I recall me and the boss had this conversation about great album names for cover albums and compilations.

His favourite all time title was David Bowie's "Pin-ups"
Me, I have a soft spot for "Complete Madness" and "Utter Madness", but could never work out why they never did a double set; the title "Complete And Utter Madness" would have been a corker.

How about you lot - what titles scratch your itches?

Odd how certain subjects never come to light for ages; then, all of a sudden, you can't move for hearing about them.

This time around, I've been talking about comedy in music. More precisely, trying to convince people about the difference between comedy and novelty records.

Billy Connolly's D.I.V.O.R.C.E.? Comedy
Neil's version of 'Hole In My Shoe'? Novelty.

My original point was that there really doesn't seem to be much in the way of comedy stuff hitting the charts these days - The last one I can recall for sure was 'Stutter Rap' by Morris Minor And The Majors (AKA Tony Hawks and friends). It's possible, however, that The Offspring's 'Pretty Fly (for a white guy)' could qualify.

The mid-70's was a good time; Billy Connolly, Jasper Carrott and Mike Harding all made the charts. The 80's had a couple of promising starts when Comic Relief kicked off. Unfortunately, that seems to have dribbled off into celeb cover territory now.

Weird Al, to my knowledge, is the only one who seems to be consistently releasing comedy music in album and single form these days.

Or am I wrong? Please tell me!

Our House.
We Will Rock You.
Mama Mia!
Shout!

What do all these musicals have in common?
Stumped? Well, I'll tell you. They all lack a spark of originality. Yes, they came up with a half-way plausible plot. However, where's the bespoke music? All they've done is use/steal/cover (delete as you feel appropriate) the relevant tunes.

Before there's an argument, yes, I do know there were two new songs for Our House written by Madness. But then again, where's the hard work from the show's musical team? Isn't getting the original inspiration to do the hard work more than just a little... well... it's a hell of a cop-out, really, isn't it?

'What brought this on?' I hear you cry, 'Please say you haven't been watching that crap with Lloyd Webber!'
No, don't worry; car-crash TV is the wife's area of interest. I've just been reminded of how bloody good the songs were from the film production - so I went out and bought it.

It got me to thinking, though. Through my hormone laced youth, I didn't really think it was seemly for me to enjoy musicals (read 'too gay'), but I'm heading into middle-age, and I've come to admire the crafting that went into the songs. Lionel Bart, Rogers & Hammerstein et al were in a class of their own. Who do we have these days to fly the flag (yes, you can have a rainbow-coloured one if you so wish)? Bloody A.L-W.

Don't get me wrong, I'm appreciative of the fact he's the only one who can be bothered to write show tunes these days. The thing is, both he and the rest of the world are suffering from a monopoly situation. Because there is no competition, A.L-W. can do just about what he likes - which is possibly why he appears to have hit the 'cruise control' button for his career over the last few years.

There's another factor though. In this day and age of blockbuster films and high-tech visual effects, musicals don't really have much of a chance to make it to the big screen unless they've been hanging around theatre-land for a long, long time. I maybe wrong, but I think Chicago has been the only one to surface in recent times. Other than that, new musicals are going to struggle in the provinces before making it in the West End or on Broadway.

I know it's never going to happen, but it would be nice if some film studio big boss turned around and told some of his underlings to find a story worth turning into a musical and then going out and finding a talented scribe to write something original.

Otherwise, it's just going to be a slick production with some classic pop songs.

Another mixed bag in my playlist this month. Bear in mind my mp3 player is only 256mb, so there's not a huge amount of room. The only thing I regret is not having a shuffle function. Still, for a fiver, I can't really complain.

Having said there's a mixture, I do notice there seems to be a bit of an 80's thing going on, and a general tendency toward indie/rock. Right up to the point you reach Army of Lovers, that is. Camper than a row of tents, but great fun...
Oh, and yes, I know that Echo & The Bunnymen is a pale copy of the original, but I grabbed the wrong one by accident.

Anyhow, here goes.
--People Are Strange - Echo & The Bunnymen
--I Know What I'm Here For - James
--Me, Myself, I - Joan Armatrading (coincidence that she's been bruited about on here a lot lately)
--Pounding - Doves
--Rude Boy Rock - Lionrock (much overlooked bit of ska-based dubbery from the 90s)
--The Diary Of Horace Wimp - ELO (hey, I like it...)
--Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant
--Hurry Up Harry - Sham 69 (altogether now... "Weeee're going dahn the pub!")
--Let's Hang On - The Four Seasons (clash those gears!)
--When Do I Get To Sing 'My Way' - Sparks
--Captain Dread - Dreadzone (more dubbery -with a shanty tone, no less...)
--The Safety Dance - Men Without Hats
--Night Boat To Cairo - Madness
--Israelism - Army Of Lovers
--Heart Of Lilith - Inkubus Sukkubus (no typos, just goth metal)
--Visions In Blue - Ultravox
--You're Alright - Buster Shuffle (Chas 'n' Dave Meets Madness and the Arctic Monkeys.)
--Come On Down - Chris Difford (yes, from the Word CD)
--Liquidator - Harry J All-stars
--Long Gone Lost John - Lonnie Donegan
--Love, Love Me Do - The Beatles
--Million Miles Away - The Offspring (I know, more clashing of gears there)
--Part Of The Union - The Strawbs
--Rock Bottom - Strangeworld (folk instrumentalists)
--Surprise - Bizarre Inc (60's pop pastiche from 90's dance outfit)
--Take Me Home - Basement Jaxx
--Wednesday Week - The Undertones
--Where Are They Now? - Ragga And The Jack Magic Orchestra (Clanky Icelandic bunch fronted by oddly-named woman)
--Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap - AC/DC
--Girl Don't Come - Sandy Shaw
--Let The Good Times Roll - Louis Jordan (classic soul - remember the dosshouse scene in Blues Brothers?)
--New Year's Day - U2
--Alice, What's The Matter? - Terrorvision
--Cut My Wings - Seasick Steve (3-string blues, anyone?)
--Happiness - Goldfrapp
--Hold On, I'm Coming - Sam & Dave
--Lost In Music - Sister Sledge (my theme tune)
--Trippin' On Sunshine - Pizzaman (AKA Fatboy Slim)
--Bashi Bazouk - Peter Gabriel (good luck finding this one - it was b-side to Digging In The Dirt)
--Black Horse And The Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
--Mary - Tori Amos
--The Boxer - Simon and Garfunkel
--Barber's Adagio For Strings - William Orbit
--Greenman - XTC
--Ain't That A Shame - Fats Domino
--Too Much Too Young - Little Angels (again, wrong one - I meant to grab the Specials classic)
--Don't Stop Movin' - The Beautiful South (downbeat cover of the S Club 7 tune)
--National Express - The Divine Comedy

What a way to end the list - an all-time classic tune to make you smile about your incipient insanity...

Looking through the thread to do with English music, I was struck by a couple of points.

Firstly, there were a couple of names that kept popping up; XTC, The Kinks, Ian Dury and Billy Bragg. Very good, but I did wonder where Madness were in all of that.

Beyond that, I realised that pretty much all of the nominated acts had something in common (and one or two had a surfeit of). Eccentricity. When this hit me, I felt - oddly enough - pleased.
It took me a while to work out why, but I finally dug deep enough to find that eccentricity is the most notable, and possibly most redeeming national feature of the English.

Not extreme enough to be bonkers (although The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band come pretty close), but leftfield enough to be amusingly different. If you can also be sharp enough to be slyly witty and satiric, then so much the better.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I can't think of any act from anywhere else around the world that can honestly claim to be eccentric.

Any ideas?

I've been to a few gigs; more than some, but a lot less than most.

For the most part, they've been fairly standard events - one or more support acts before the main event. There have only been one or two times that this has been different; Pink Floyd and Paul McCartney. Neither bothered with support acts, because they planned to go on for long enough themselves. That and they probably didn;t want to share the stage.

The thing about support acts, in my thinking, is that they are generally not as good (or well-known) as the main act. Often, this is the case, but there are sometime when the status quo is unsettled enough to leave me preferring the support.

My first experience of this was when I was at college and went to see New Model Army (hey - I was an angry young boy). The support was a fledgeling Levellers, and they kicked NMA all over the stage.
Fair enough.
A few years later, though, I dropped into a Tori Amos gig and, much as I like the flame haired one, I had to admit that The Divine Comedy had put on a better show.
The last time this happened, and I realise the situation isn't quite the same, was when I saw Oasis at Knebworth back in... whenever... That was more of a festival, with several acts before them. The thing was, though, most of the acts, including Oasis, were of the shoe-gazing indie scene. And dropped like a (sweet-smelling) turd right in the middle of this was Dreadzone - a dub act that managed to do a shanty in the middle of the English countryside. I loved it, but then there were thousands of baggies around me wondering just what the hell it was the had been smoking...

Has anyone else preferred a support act to the main event?

I'd have this one played at every party. I mean, they're all going to be popular, we all like to sing along to them and the party just isn't the same without a rambling singalong.

So what if we don't know the words? Who cares? In the state most people reach at - say - New Year's parties, it makes not one jot of difference, does it?

I'd love the packaging too - you simply have to have a lyric sheet. You wouldn't need much apart from the occasional chorus, because everyone's singing 'Nur-nur lalalala' in any case.

But what tracks would make the cut?
For my money, the ultimate pisshead tune is Jeff Beck's 'Hi-ho Silver Lining'. You know the first line or two, and then it's indeterminable mumbling until you get to the point when a roomful of beered-up rugby fans suddenly burst into a bellowed chorus. Odds are that that's also the only time in the whole song that more than two of them have managed to keep to the same tempo.

Other such tunes would be:

'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy' - Rod Stewart
'My Way' - Frank Sinatra
'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' - Monty Python
'American Pie' - Don McLean
'Ebeneezer Goode' - The Shamen
'Going Underground' - The Jam

I know you could also call this 'The Worst Karaoke Album In The World..... Ever!'

Anyhow - over to you. Any more suggestions? I know there must be hundreds.

This one developed out of a discussion I had with my best mate a few months back.

Essentially, everyone has their favourites when it comes to music. Equally, we also have our bugbears, the ones we don't like; never did and never will. However, during the course of this tannin-fuelled chat, the two of us came to the realisation that we may dislike particular acts to quite alarming degrees. Nevertheless, we both had to admit that there would invariably be at least one track by a 'despised one' that we actually quite liked, really...

Time was this phenomenon would go under the heading of 'guilty pleasures', but I've never really got that one. Personally, if it does need to be used, then apply it to genres only, not particular artists.

Some examples? Sure:
The Osmonds - Crazy Horses (still no excuse for Jimmy Osmond, though)
Bucks Fizz - New Beginning (horribly 80's, but I just love the African/Adam and the Ants - style drums.)
Celine Dion - I'm Alive (the horse-faced one proves she can sing about matters other than love and its loss. Plus, she even sounds like she's enjoying herself.)
James Blunt - Wisemen (finally comes up with another emotion other than 'miserable obsessive')
Whitney Houston - It's Not Right, But It's OK (stops over-singing and learns that breathing in more than twice a minute is a good thing.)

And you know what? It works both ways. No, don't give me that; you know that there's plenty of horse apples dropped by even the best of them.
How about:
Lou Reed - Metal Machine Music (severe case of WTF if ever there was.)
Madness - Money, Money, Money (ill-judged ABBAmania band wagon jumping.)
Stevie Wonder - I Just Called To Say I Love You (mawkish mess. 'Nuff said.)
Peter Gabriel - Steam (sorry - didn't you already do 'Sledgehammer'?)
Aretha Franklin - Who's Zooming Who (the 80's weren't kind to many evergreens, were they?)

There are evens exceptions to this rule. I have yet to enjoy anything by Leona Lewis, or dislike owt by XTC - and I'm not expecting that to change.

I'm not expecting anyone to agree with me on these choices. Taste is always a personal thing. The thing is, though - I defy anyone out there to tell me there isn't a single example they can provide from their own musical tastes or collections that would prove this point.

Go on - I dare you.

I only have a tiddly little player bought from Tesco for a fiver, but it serves its purpose just fine for me. Ok, so it doesn't hold many tunes, or have a shuffle feature (essential, I feel), but it'll do until I can finally afford something a little better.

In any case, I wanted to share my current playlist with you. I'm not hugely sure what criterion it uses to order the tunes, although there does seem to be something alphabetical going on...

--Dude Looks Like A Lady - Aerosmith
--Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys
--Gangster's Paradise - Coolio
--Mellow Yellow - Donovan
--Modern Crusaders - Enigma
--Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn - The White Stripes
--Walk This Way - Run DMC ft. Aerosmith
--Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode
--Tarzan's Nuts - Madness
--The Man Don't Give A F*** - Super Furry Animals
--Workin' in The Coalmine - Lee Dorsey
--1643 - Seth Lakeman
--Cumberland Gap - Lonnie Donegan
--The Gift - INXS
--Cuba - The Gibson Brothers
--Jerk It Out - The Caesars
--Rockstar - Nickelback
--Ooh Baby (radio mix) - Gilbert O'Sullivan
--Searchlights - The Levellers
--Disco Dancer - Parka
--Egyptian Reggae - Jonathan Richman
--Mercy - Duffy
--History Repeating - Propellorheads ft. Miss Shirley Bassey
--Wrong Way - Sublime
--Dirty Secret - The She-Beats
--Cash Machine - Hard-Fi
--Children - Robert Miles
--Don't Give Up - Chicane ft. Bryan Adams
--Living In The past - Jethro Tull
--Music To Watch Girls Go By - Andy Williams
--Novocaine For The Soul - eels
--Nu Flow - Big Brovaz
--Objection (Tango) - Shakira
--Oh Yeah, Alright - One-Two
--Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting - Elton John
--She Cries Your Name - Beth Orton
--Stupid Commercials - Damn Skippy
--Sun Goes Down - David Jordan
--1962 - Grass~Show
--Down Boy - Holly Valance
--Misfit - Amy Studt
--Stop The Rock - Apollo 440
--There's A Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He's Elvis - Kirsty MacColl
--This Is The Life - Amy McDonald
--Uninvited - Freemasons ft. Bailey Tzuke
--Don't Stop The Music - Rhianna
--Love On A Farmboy's Wages - XTC
--Romeo - Basement Jaxx
--Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
--Just A Gigolo - David Lee Roth
--Feels Like Some Kinda Rush - Booty Luv

Interesting mix wot?

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who liked to listen to music. He wasn't fussy, pretty much anything was good.
Then there came a time when he could tell the difference between good and bad. However, the time he had previously spent in appreciation of all types of music stayed with him, and he grew up with a very eclectic taste, indeed.

How eclectic? Well, look at my firsts...

FIRST RECORDS GIVEN:
Father Abraham and The Smurfs
Adam and The Ants - Stand And Deliver
The Three Degrees - When Will I See You Again?
(it does have to be pointed out, however, that the last was bought in error. My parents completely mistook the reason for my interest in Sheila Ferguson. I was a smutty little beggar even then...)

FIRST SINGLE BOUGHT:
The Specials - Ghost Town

FIRST ALBUM BOUGHT:
Madness - Complete Madness

REQUESTED (as a child) AND REFUSED:
Incantation - Cacharpaya
Pink Floyd - The Wall
Kate Bush - The Kick Inside (damn my hormones!)
Anything by Steel Pulse

FIRST CD BOUGHT:
Peter Gabriel - Passion (Last Temptation of Christ OST) - bought even though I didn't have a CD player at the time...

Hmm - not that eclectic after all. I suppose I've made up for lost time sice, though...

I'll get right down to it; will somebody please gag all singers until they realise that scales are an exercise for practise? Can nobody hold a note these days?
Just in case someone doesn't quite get just what I'm talking about, listen to the likes of Whitney Houston, Celine Dion and, most recently and annoyingly, Leona Lewis. Just because you can reach a wide range of notes doesn't mean to say that you have to fit as many of them into a single song.

I find that too many acts these days have a tendency to 'over-sing' the part (although that's not hugely likely in the case of The Arctic Monkeys, I have to admit).

The culprits are generally women, but there can be male acts too - Boys II Men comes to mind. I'm not arguing that they can't sing, just that there isn't the need to show off their skill in such a way.

Oh, by the way Whitney; when I say 'try holding a note for a change', I don't mean 'try and outdo Bill Withers' - Now THAT is a damn good example of how to sing.