Just been reading Satan Wants Me by Robert Irwin and wondered if any of the massive ever dabbled in Satanism in the sensational Seventies. If so, are you over it and what was it like?

When I was growing up, the burb we lived in seemed typically boring. Well, it was boring (all the houses looked the same, nothing ever happened except when the cows got out of a nearby field and started lunching on the nice suburban lawns), but looking back… the boy who lived three doors down, and who was in the year above me at school (Mr Jeremy Gaze) grew up to invent the largest moving object on Earth (a floating oil platform – it’s in the Guinness book of records). AND there was a woman who lived in a hole in the ground, literally, for SEVERAL years so her animals could live the good life in her caravan.

Anyway my point is it’s time to big up the neighbours. Anyone remarkable round your way?

If you had to boil down your life to a fake Country song title, what would it be?

The chap at the desk next to me, struggling with a new software package just exclaimed, “I’m right but I don’t want to be right”. Top that.

Apologies if this has been done before, but I was just wondering how many of us, the Word Massive, are hirsute in the facial area. I've just grown one. I'm aiming for the full-on Karl Marx. How about you?