1. Beach Boys
If I hear anything more about the groundbreakingness of Pet bloody Sounds, I'll go postal: clever production, saccharine harmonies and mediocre songwriting doth not genius make - not even when seasoned with a little mental instability.

2. Red Hot Chilli Peppers
If only the entire Aussie population of London could be right.

3. The Cranberries
Has anyone ever sounded so immediately smackable as .... I can't bring myself to say her name.

4. Manic Street Preachers
Earnest po-faced turge.

5. Bob Marley
'Greatest Hits' - a fixture in the glovebox of every middle-ranking marketive executive within a thousand miles of Swindon. Sing-along now, c'mon, you must know the words ... must ... know ..... the ....... wor ...