Firstly, apologies to those for whom this post has no relevance, but I can't think of an easier or more appropriate way of reaching out to everyone potentially interested.

A week on Friday, there looks like being a bumper attendance at the Liverpool Mingle - and for my sins I have volunteered my services to give those who are interested a bit of a tour of the sights, sounds - and smells - of the great city.

But so I can do a bit of planning and tailoring, it would be helpful to know:

a) Who is likely to attend
b) When you are likely to turn up (and where)
c) What you would particularly like to see.

How much we can see partly depends on when people are going to start turning up. of course. I've got the day off so we can start as early as you like.

My initial thoughts are to keep it as a 'walking' tour - there will be too many of us to fit into my car, and buses and taxis starts to get logistically painful. That pretty much rules out Penny Lane, Beatle Houses and Football Grounds, I'm afraid.

I'm thinking:
* a couple of Beatle pubs (Ye Cracke, The Jacaranda, The Grapes)
* a couple of record shops (Hairy, Probe)
* some other Beatle sites (The Cavern, Mathew Street, NEMS)
* sundry other music sites (Eric's, Cream)
* maybe some other places (like the Philharmonic, the Cathedrals, the Pier Head) depending on time/inclination
* any other suggestions welcomed!

As regards attendees, I think the following have expressed an interest so far:

Hannah
JoLean
katyg
Richie Richie
DFB (and Melrose Ape, presumably)
jimmyshoes
Steve Turner (if he gets a passout)

Anyone else? Mike H? Irish people? Ola - I know you've done all this before, but of course you are welcome.

Drakeys - I think you're arriving too late for the fun?

Beany may also be joining us at some stage, I understand. Don't let that put you off, ladies.

If you could let me know - either on or off list - if you are up for this, and when/where you will be looking to join us - then I can do some proper planning.

For those who can't make Friday, I think Paddy is doing something on the Saturday with some of the Irish contingent.

But why not do both?!

Peace and Love
Paul

...and why Jonathan Ive deserves his knighthood.

On the left, my Apple TV remote. On the right, my Panasonic Blu-Ray remote.

The Apple remote has seven buttons. The Panasonic, 51.

I know what each of the buttons on the Apple remote does, and use them all regularly. I think I have used, at most, eight or nine of the buttons on the Panasonic. I have no idea what the other forty-odd are there for.

If anything, the Apple TV is a more complicated beast than the Panasonic, dealing with film, photo and music from a range of sources. The Panasonic controls the playing of Blu-ray discs and DVDs.

Do people at Panasonic (and Sony, Samsung, Philips etc etc) never compare their kit with Apple and think that there just might be something in it? Or is 'button envy' prevalent in the audiovisual marketplace?

I effing love this place. And all of you. You're my besht mates you are.

*drinks Advocaat. Feels ill. Cares not a jot.*

So. The weekend before Christmas, and I'm doing the Christmas Wrapping (accompanied, of course, by The Waitresses).

I'm taking some stuff delivered in a mound of bubble wrap out of its original box before covering it in a sticky blob of sellotape and paper, when the bubble wrap catches my eye.

It is wrap of the big, pillowy style rather than the poppy bubble stuff, and the brand name is emblazoned upon each little pillow.

And here's the thing. The bubble wrap is called "Cell-o Green".

Now surely it can be no coincidence that there is also a fun-sized yet chubby soul singer out there at the moment, by name of "Cee Lo Green".

I have two questions. Well, maybe three.

This isn't a coincidence, is it?

Which came first - the wrapper or the rapper?*

And are you all sniggering behind your hands, quietly mocking the fact that, once more, the penny dropped slowest at Waring Towers?

*I'm quite proud of that one

The Wrapper:

The Rapper:

...Hey, hey.

It's probably a sign of my advancing years, or a reflection of the (undoubted) fact that as your brain fills up, stuff has to be discarded to make room for new stuff.

However I am increasingly finding myself confused by similar (and sometimes not so similar) things, people and places.

I give you some examples:

The Spin Doctors and The Saw Doctors. One band is a fine example of Irish jiggery-pokery. The other, er, isn't. No idea which.

Gomez and Wilco. I have no idea why I confuse these two. At least with the two 'Doctors' above, there is a clear similarity between the names. No such excuse here. Whilst they might share a general sort of rootsiness, there is little else to explain my confusion.

Felixstowe and Folkestone. Come on, this is just one place surely? One is just a bad anagram of the other...

Prestbury and Prestwich. Both in the Greater Manchester area. One full of footballers, the other full of Orthodox Jews. Just don't ask me for directions to the synagogue...

You're amongst friends here. Share your confusions, that we might disentangle our twisted webs. At least tell me I'm not alone...

...here's ours.

Yes, that is Winnie the Pooh on top.

So - you're isolated, stuck out on a desert island somewhere - where the conceit is that you can only listen to one artist, and one artist only - for all eternity.

In the past, I have probably suggested that Elvis Costello would be my Desert Island Artist. And I could do a lot worse.

But really - when push comes to shove - it has to be Stevie, doesn't it?

Who's your Desert Island Artist?

#1 in an occasional series: Paul Simon.

Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom
I got up to wash my face
When I got back to bed, someone's taken my place

Paul, where to start?

Let's look in the mirror first. Halfway through your love-making session, you feel the need to attend to matters of personal hygiene. Do you not think this might have been better attended to beforehand? (Unless of course, your lovemaking became somewhat 'adventurous', necessitating some facial cleansing halfway through. Let's not explore that possibility too deeply.)

Secondly, how long were you washing your bloody face for? Long enough for someone else to chance upon your bedroom, find your young lady unattended, disrobe and slip under the covers, that's how long! And that's too long, Paul. a quick rinse and wipe with a wet flannel would surely have sufficed.

And who is this mysterious 'someone'? Your lodger? Flatmate? A close friend who happened to be staying over? Choose your friends and acquaintances wisely, Paul. At least, make sure this sort of eventuality is covered in the tenancy agreement. Or was it a stranger, off the street? In which case you need to pay more attention to basic household security, my friend.

And finally, there is the question of the young lady herself. Now I have no wish to enter into a debate about the moral standards of the youth of today - but she's a bit fly, isn't she? However long you were in the bathroom. If I were you Paul, I wouldn't be "begging her please to come home" - she doesn't sound like a keeper to me.

Plenty more fish in the sea, fella.

*yes, I know we've done this before. But it's fun.

My name is Paul Waring and I am left handed.

Or rather, I write and throw, and use a mouse, with my left hand.

Many other things, I do the same way as right handed people. For instance, I play guitar right handed. I bat right handed. I play golf and racquet sports right handed.

But here's the thing. All these 'right handed' things I do, it feels as though I'm doing them left handed - ie with the left hand doing all the difficult work - forming chords on the guitar, acting as the 'top' hand on bat or golf club, throwing the ball up for service etc. Also, it's my dominant (left) eye that seems to be in the appropriate place when batting or golfing - ie nearest to the flight of the ball (in or out).

(I should add there's no consistency in this - for example when cooking, I butter bread left handed, but chop right handed. How does that work?)

Is it just me, or have right handed people been playing the guitar 'left handed' all these years?

Where's the research on this important subject?

..that Shack are the best band in the world.

[Shack - Comedy]

That is all. Carry on everyone.

Soon December will be upon us, leading to thoughts of Yuletide, snowflakes and the imminent appearance of Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral on stage in Manchester.

Yes, on Saturday 17 December, Birkenhead funsters Half Man Half Biscuit will be appearing at Manchester Ritz - and The Massive will be there!

As I understand it, the following reprobates will be in attendance:

Myself
Grant
Southstand
Bisto
Prestonia
Vinnell

Anyone else want to declare their attendance?

But now to the real business in hand.

Item one on the agenda - where are we meeting? Might I suggest Kro Bar (the big glass one) on Oxford Road - just round the corner from the venue - any time from 6:30 onwards? We can eat, drink, and discuss whether we are going to bother with the support band or not.

Other suggestions welcomed.

Item two on the agenda - I HAVE A SPARE TICKET if anyone wants to join us. Waring Junior has double booked so the tickets I got for him and his partner were suddenly available - one has been claimed, but the other is still spare. Anyone wants it - at face value - and to take this opportunity to Meet the Massive - please feel free to DM me.

So. HMHB. 17 December. Be there or be somewhere else.

Following on from the Spotify Generation thread below, I got to thinking about the economics of the Spotify business model, and something struck me.

Forgive me if the following is a statement of the bleeding obvious, but please humour me.

As I understand it Spotify's key income stream is from subscriptions, and its main (variable) expense is commission to artists, based upon number of plays of their tunes. I know there are a huge raft of other costs associated primarily with their IT infrastructure, but I am treating those, and other overheads, as fixed costs.

So - let's assume I am a subscriber, paying my £10 a month or whatever. My tenner goes, in the first instance, into Spotify's bank account. Happy days for Spotify.

Now let's assume I listen to absolutely nothing all month. No listens = no payments by Spotify to artists. Big win for Spotify.

But let's assume instead I'm addicted to the service, and it's constantly playing in the background while I work, rest and play. BIG outgoings to artists - maybe Spotify's not so happy.

Now I know this is complicated by other income streams from advertising which will inevitably be predicated on number of users, and I am sure there are also 'sweeteners' received for the promotion of big new albums, but I'm still left with one simple thought:

Spotify want you to subscribe, and to use the service - but not too much, please.

Or am I missing something obvious?

A couple of years ago, during a spell out of work, I started keeping a blog - partly to fill the days, partly to keep my brain ticking over during my "sabbatical". I picked up a few followers over the months, mainly old friends and colleagues, but occasionally random surfers would chance upon the blog and leave a post.

One such poster went by the name of 'Omnibusologist', and he would occasionally stop by and leave the odd comment - and given that I'm a Blue (and he turned out to be a Red) and that I lean to the left while he leans to the right - we had some healthy (and friendly) debates.

After a time, I got back in work and blogged less, moving over to Twitter. Whereupon again our paths crossed and we started following each other and gently ribbing each other, mainly around football and politics. I knew very little about him - only really that his name was Brian, that he'd served in the forces, managed a golf club and moved around the country a fair bit before retiring. Over time though, it became apparent that one of Brian's sons had managed to pick up a bit of fame and - eventually - the penny finally dropped.

Brian is Lloyd Cole's Dad!

Not that this made any difference - we continued (and continue) an occasional to and fro on Twitter.

Anyway - to the point of the story. Tonight I was lucky enough (in the company of Prestonia of this parish but not, sadly, PaddyH) to see Lloyd performing, solo and acoustic, in Morecambe. Excellent show and a fuller report may follow in due course.

I noticed, in the interval, an elderly gentleman strolling around the venue and eventually disappearing backstage. Suspicions aroused, I tracked him down after the show and introduced myself. It was, indeed, Brian, and we had a nice chat about the show and this and that. Brian confirmed my suspicions that he was a lovely gentleman and it was a pleasure to finally meet him in person.

And, of course, it finally gives me the opportunity to use the excruciatingly tortuous pun in the thread title above.

Has anyone else unknowingly struck up a friendship with a rock star's parents?

Ok then, I've downloaded the Soundcloud app onto the iPad.

Now which of you musical genii out there are posting your stuff up there, and what are your usernames?

I need to know (and hear).

I got this Facebook message this week from Graham, an old schoolmate of mine who is now living in Canada, and I immediately thought of you guys...

Hello everyone;

I am beginning the arduous process of booking a UK tour for my sons band (www.colfaxrock.com ) for summer 2012. The band plays hard rock.

Having departed the UK many moons ago I have totally lost touch with the usual questions -- where to play, who books shows etc etc

Now - this might not be a question you yourself can answer, but at this stage I am looking for contacts (they may come from you or your friends or family)

If you can ask around or know someone in a band or in the industry it would help me greatly to get to step 2! Even web links are a start if you know early 20 something bands

Any information can be emailed to me at colfaxrock AT gmail DOT com

I know there are a few of you out there who do a bit of this - Tony D, Retro, Malo - if you have any useful tips/contacts I can pass back to Graham, I'd be grateful.

If I can put this nicely, the band are not particularly 'Word-friendly' so the local folk club is probably a non-starter...

Thanks guys - and Fraser, I think this sort of posting is ok but I'm sure you'll let me know if not...