Just before Morrissey’s recent Hyde Park howitzer of a performance there was a Richard Hawley lookalike in my vicinity who was so excited by the arrival of his idol that he looked ready to explode from his buttoned-up cardie. Once the Manc matador was in full swing with Quantick’s favourite rhythm section, Hawleyalike (or Hawtreyalike, come to think of it) was in his element – proprietarily bopping like a priapic rooster whilst sucking fiercely on an endless supply of cancer-sticks. But at one point his tobacco-tugging trance was rudely interrupted as Moz let slip in typically caustic style: “I see Kylie’s been awarded an O.B.E… for services to music.” As the crowd sniggered knowingly, one woman said jokingly to her friend, “Cor, he’s a right old bitch, isn’t he?” Which was all too much for Hawtrey. He immediately rounded on her and spat, “If you don’t shut your ****ing gob right now you ****ing ****, then you better **** off! Alright?!” There was a brief pause as the ladies gawped at each other, quite unable to comprehend what their ears had just been assailed with. This being a Morrissey gig, there were no recriminations - just a little huffing, puffing and rather subdued tittering. Like several others, I tried to stare the bespectacled berk into embarrassment (such chivalry!) but as soon as the music struck up he was back in his jiggle zone, sparking up the gaspers again with robotic intensity.

But no amount of OTT cheerleading, smoking or sub-psychobilly stomping could disguise the fact that he’d spectacularly blown his cool. As the gig progressed he grew increasingly flustered, complaining theatrically to anyone who had the temerity to get in his way (which happened increasingly), or – poor mite – who clapped enthusiastically above his head.

We were witnessing the cliché of the sensitive Morrissey fan being exaggerated to rather grotesque proportions.

Any other examples of poor/misplaced gig etiquette?