Well it is Xmas and my birthday next week... 59... where do the years go?
Anyroads decided to treat myself to a new guitar, so a (copy) mahogony red gibson SG standard was chosen. It is lovely...got six strings (the thick ones are at the top, folks), it's got four (that's 4!!) dials which do I have no idea what.... unfortunately none of them go up to eleven, but that's no problem here in Geacher Towers, 'cos I do not own a decent amplifier.... well actually make that no amplifier whatsover.... It now sits alongst my two other guitars, a cherry red fender strat(copy) and a black and white fender telecaster(copy). All three guitars are in good condition and are lovelingly maintained, all polished, but I think that the strat has a string a tad frayed, but it matters not a jot, 'cos I cannot play the guitar.
Not one oita.
Not at all.
God knows I have tried.
Took music lessons when I was in my twenties, but the co-ordination of brain/eye/left hand righthand left me totally disfunctional.
My peak was doing the rift from "Love Like A Man".... hey boys, I can play the guitar like Alvin Lee can play it.... yesterday I mucked up "Picture Of Matchstick Men".
Last Saturday I paid three hundred bucks for My New Guitar, which I cannot even tune to any degree of acceptance.
Now, how sad is that?

Now that Luis Suaraz has been banned for 8 matches (pending appeal), what now for the odious John Terry?
Now JT goes to court early next year. What if he is found not guilty?
Does the FA pursue a racism charge against Terry as vigorous as the one that they one that they did on Suarez? Can they or does the fact that if he is found lawfully not guilty mean that the matter is done and dusted, despite the video evidence?
And what happens to Terry if he is found guilty? What kind of ban will they give to the England Captain,considering that there is the European Championshio next year?
Lots of questions I know, but there is a whole bag of worms about to be opened I think.
FWIW I think that Suarez has been a tad harshly treated. A ban? Yep, probably, but a marker has been laid down by the FA... it remains to be seen whether the FA has the courage of their convictions, especially if a player accuses another player of racial abuse when there is no other witnesses to the fact.

I have a good friend that we will call Big Ted. Ted is 6foot4,5 feet wide and 3 feet deep... he is a big boy, and not too much fat on him either.... at school his nickname was The Tank. Very apt.Now Big Ted is one of my very best friends, always great company, very generous with his time... indeed, when I began the route to go into business for myself some 10 years ago, Ted in his capacity as a financial advisor worked for me for nothing, securing finance, insurance and all that other shit that goes with dealing with banks and finance companies, obtaining the best deals he could for me, always refusing his "cut" in order to get the best deal for me that he could.
Literally, I would not be where I am now without Ted.
In 2004 Ted was caught by Operation Ore for downloading kiddie porn.
He lost his license to operate as an independant financial advisor, he lost his wife and young daughter, he lost his home, he lost everything. He was not jailed, but given a heavy fine.
Ted was then ostracised from our circle of friends... banned from the pub, the golf outings, the party's etc which really was the least of his worries. He eventually moved away from the area to try and rebuild his life.
What he did was gross, bad, wrong and one may think that he was justly punished, and I for one would have no argument with that. But he is my friend, so I kept contact with him.
During our sporadic meets he was grateful that I still was still his friend,still witty and good company, but he was a shell of the man he used to be.

I last saw him a few years ago and he was in a bad state...drinking a bottle of whisky plus six or seven pints of beer per day... he cut himself off from me earlier this year, not replying to emails or calls or whatever.
Big Ted died yesterday aged 57. Today I cannot stop crying.

All this is true, and in true Littlejohn style, "You could not make it up".
Back in 2003 my GLW and I had an mid October break planned, and bouyed by the forecast of unseasonally warm weather, we decided to go on a few days walking holiday up in Ullapool.
Now neither of us had ever been up there but we were recommended this particular hotel in Ullapool in which to base ourselves.
So, on the Sunday I made the call to book our stay.
This is pretty much verbatim as to how the convo went...
(The voice of The Hotelier is best imagined in the soft lilting West Highland accent that the folk of Ullapool have: think Duncan MaCrae or Para Handy if you will).
"Ringringring"
Hotelier: "Hello, ******** Hotel, how can I help you".
Me: "Hi, I would like to book a double room please for next Monday Tuesday and Wednesday nights please".
H: "'am affa sorry but were closing the morra. Weel when I say we're closin', I dinna mean for good, jist for the fortnight, cos me and the wife are away to Tenareefy on Monday. Noo we dinna usually close the hotel when we go awa, 'cos her Faither usually looks efter the place when we're on oor hols, but he is no been affy weel recently. We thocht he wis havin' a hert attack last week and we took him to the doctors, but the man said that that he had a (pause) urinary tract infection. Noo we thocht that if he had that, his pains wid be doon there, if you ken wit I mean, not in his chest. Noo the Doctors an affa nice man, but jeest a bairn ye ken, naw like Dr *******, he wis a proper doctor. So we hiv decided to close up for the twa weeks, just to be on the safe side".
M: "Oh thats a pity. Um, can you recommend anywhere else in Ullapool to stay?".
H: "Weel in depends whit yer efter. Is it a Bed And Breakfast, or a place that does evening meals? There is even a temperance place if ye dinnae like a dram".
Me, cutting to the chase: "Well, let me put it this way... if YOU were going to Ullapool, and YOUR hotel was shut, where would you want to stay?
Hotelier: "Och that's easy. I would go to my sisters place, she has got a spare room noo that her Brian's awa tae university".

This afternoon at work it was quiet, so I had the IPod just a little bit louder that normal. "MacArthur Park" was on, the original by Richard Harris. It was giving it a fair bit of welly when one of my customers came in.
"Ah Travis, I love them I do".
WTF?
Anyone else know anyone who thought on hearing ABBA that it was Led Zep?
Or got confused between the sounds of Gerry And The Pacemakers and Santana?
Over to you.

This is an odd one.
Last night I decided to add some music to my iTunes library.
When I started I had 6,648 songs in it,and when I finished I had 7011.
This morning when I went to update my iPod, my library has shrunk back to 6,377 songs, less,you will notice than when I began the task. A cursory check- and believe me, there was lots of cursing- shows that, for example, Abbey Road Remastered has disappeared from sight after being in my library for over a year, but Stand Up Jethro Tull, which was added last night, is still there. Though at this juncture it would appear to be the only one of the new uploads to survive the night. I will assume that all the missing stuff will be in a file or folder somewhere, but where? Any ideas? Or will i have to redo the whole shebbang?

I did, and it was bloody amazing. At 7.40 this morning, a crystal clear, cloudless, cold western sky, and there it was. Now I ain't by any stretch a spritual person... quite the opposite in fact.... if I can't eat it touch it drink it speak to it, then for me it may not as well exist, but that was awesome. What shook me tho' that when I turned away to head to work, I fired up the old IPod on shuffle... over 6500+ songs on that baby... and what was the first song that played?
Van Morrison's "Brand New Day".

Well who would have thunk it? It turns out that Old Geach and the fragrant, and I must say, very pretty Ms Helena Handcart (of this parrish) went to Grammar School together! Six years of trudging round double maths to history together only to end up here. It's a small world, Guv, make no mistake.
Any other members encounter someone from their plooky youth in circumstances or places entirely unexpected? Over to you!
ps Helena, I promise you that I will not reveal the details of THAT dress you wore to one of the School dances. Unless, of course, someone asks.

Because Apple can't. When I try to sync my iPod, I get a message..."iTunes was unable to load provider data from sync services error(9)". The Apple girl is going to call me back tomoorow night with "a solution, I hope". I have had about six calls to the Apple Helpdesk, and nowhere close to a solution.
Note. Got the IPod replaced on Saturday, so the new new iPod is not the problem. Allegedly.
Everything is updated. Any clues from The Massive?

My iPod touch is showing the black screen of death, and it's totally unresponsive to anything. I think the battery's frazzled, but can any Members Of The Massive suggest anything I may do to perhaps bring it back to life before I hike up to Glesga' to my nearest apple shop?
Two things: It was fully charged some two hours before it died, and when it's plugged into iTunes, it is not recognised. So.....

Finally, after many years of intermittent searching, managed to track and download this great album from 1970.For me, this was John Mayalls (OBE) finest hour, with Harvey Mandell, Larry Taylor (both ex Canned Heat) and Don "Sugercane" Harris and NO drummer. If any of the older members of the Massive cry "Wot About "Blues From Laurel Canyon" or "Barewires"" or whatever, thats fine by by me, but this is one fine album. I will not lecture you fine people about the influence JM had on blues/rock music in the early 70s.... if you know, you know. If you don't, go seek, and you will find a wealth and depth of musicians in his various bands which, really, is second to none. Mayall is still touring and recording (75yo or so?). The man is up there with all the best that the UK has produced.Ever.

In 2003 my then GF was into art in a big way (she is a Fine Arts graduate), and when there was an exibition by the artist Monet in Edinburgh, it was a must see for her...so along I trooped dutifuly. Queueing up I remarked the cost of entry at £10 a pop was a bit steep.
"Aha" she sez, "Forgot. I have a voucher for *Admit One Adult Free When One Adult Pays*". Quick as a flash I said: "You mean, It's Your Monet For Nothing Because The Chick Goes Free?". Well I laffed and laffed (as did a few of the people in the Q).She never. Mortified she was. I got dumped three days later. Still think it was funny. Enjoyed the old fellas pictures also.

The worlds oldest, and best, punk rock group gave it some big licks in Miami on Sunday... Underehearsed? Possibly. Ragged? Definately. But they played with a vigour and edge that belied their age, and confirmed their status as the best live band of all time. No backing tapes or pre-recorded shit for them, unlike Spruce Springsteen last year. Raw glory!

I see that there is an attempt in the offing to resurect the annual football clash against "The Auld Enemy". I, for one, embrace this concept with a passion.
From 1971 to 1979 I attended every game,home and away, and can say that nothing beat it for passion and intensity.
Indeed, in 1975 I was working in Kent, and travelled back up to Argyll just to get on the pub bus back down to London the following day to attend the game, then reversed the trip.... took seven days all told!
And, please, no "Tartan hordes wreaking havoc, babies eaten, Convents ransacked" comments please...it didnae happen!
What fun it was!

It was suggested by someone from the Massive I do this to start a thread, so here goes.
On Monday, January 11th, I will be 57. (Ergo born on 11/01/1953)
On that day, John Sessions was also born.
So, anyone else share the same date/day of birth with anyone else remotely noteable?
My Lovely Lady Mags was born on 08/05/58.
She shares her b/day with Lovie Smith, Head Coach, Chicago Bears.
So, you get the picture...