No one's mentioned them for a while. Just thought I'd rectify matters.

...is this.

The Modern Lovers meet Da Ramones. Awkward, gangling, perfect pop. God, I hope they don't become huge. I quite like them being my little secret.

There's a rumour that Prince's son plays drums for them...

Bloody awful isn't it? On so many levels. Surely everyone involved- except Ricky- must know this?

I vaguely remember something similar to this in a previous strand so apologies if I've indulged in a bit of Harrisonesque subliminal 'adaptation'....but I just wondered if this is how some fans of the artists below really 'are'....feel free to add your own.

The Rolling Stones- You have a grey ponytail and play bass in a pub blues band every Friday.
Van Der Graaaf Generator- You don’t like people very much and you have a degree in Electronics.
Jesus and Mary Chain- You don’t like people very much and you have an O-level in Art.
Yes- You’ve tried to get into jazz and classical but can’t quite manage it.
King Crimson- you have glasses and wear a lot of dark clothes.
The Smiths- It’s a quiff. Not receding.
David Bowie- It upsets you that other peole don’t realize just how fascinating you really are.
Kate Bush- Deep down you think that, if you met her, you’d really get on and that she’d leave that dorky-looking bass player she’s living with.
The Stone Roses- You stole some hubcaps once.
Manic Street Preachers- You never quite understand why all those literary magazines keep sending your poems back.
The Jam- You’ve never actually owned a scooter.
Joni Mitchell- There’s this yoga thing you go to every Tuesday which is really very therapeutic.
The Beatles- You’re different. They’d have actually accepted you into their inner circle.
Bob Dylan- You have six harmonicas in a drawer.
Primal Scream- Sometimes you worry that everyone else is a bit cleverer than you.
Oasis- Everyone else is a quite a bit cleverer than you but you don’t give a shit.
Cliff Richard- It’s so funny how we don’t drive anymore.
Queen- You have a motorhome.
Elvis- You never went to college.
Grateful Dead- You have over 700 albums. All of them by The Grateful Dead.
Frank Zappa- When you talk it kinda comes out like a sneer.
Michael Jackson- You reckon Jesus probably looked a bit like Mowgli.

...he does irritate me. All that endless guff about how many records he's sold and stuff- as if 'sales' were everything.

Look, I know he has National Treasure status in large quarters of these islands and that he was 'the first British Rock and roller' ( A dubious claim to fame that- an Elvis copyist would surely have appeared eventually ) but here- for what it's worth ( probably nothing ) is what I think.

Deep breath. Rant alert....

He never got over The Beatles and because of that he's got a massive chip on his shoulder.

There. I've said it.

He never understood why they were more popular than him...or more revered. This is because all he understands are 'sales'. He equates 'sales' with 'greatness' and there's something very pathetic about a man of his age going onto the Graham Norton Show and banging on about how many records he's shifted. It's deeply embarrassing. Poor old Kelly Rowland clearly thought he was bonkers. Macca is annoying too at times but, to his credit, he realizes that pure 'sales' isn't what rock and roll ( or whateva you wanna call it ) is about.

Retire gracefully Cliff. And count yourself lucky.

You made a little go a very long way.

I'm off to Dublin this weekend. Never been there before although, naturally, I've read the books, seen the films and heard the records. Any suggestions of good places to go? I shall be arm-in-arm with Lady G and are particularly interested in fine ( but not too pricey ) eateries and some good record/CD shops ( any left in Dublin? Some which specialize in Irish traditional music would be interesting ).

Thank you all.

I appreciate that talk of such things as 'sides' may appear anachronistic in today's ipod-infested days but I was just pondering today, when albums came in two-sided packages ( sometimes four ), wasn't it almost always the case that Side One was the best? The only exception to this half-arsed rule I can think of is 'Abbey Road'.

Er, unless of course I'm just plain wrong.

For me it's sitting in the garden with my cats drinking beer and listening to jazz. Sidney Bechet and Cannonball Adderley mainly.

...we've had enough bloody Keef by now??

Last night I should have gone to see Stackridge. I really like Stackridge. I’ve got all the records and they were playing in a small venue less than half a mile away on the other side of Cardiff. I had been planning to go. But I didn’t. Ok, I was tired. But there was another reason too. Thinking about it, I just couldn’t see the point. What was actually ‘being there’ going to add to my enjoyment of this band? It wouldn’t have sounded as good as the records ( there would have been off-key moments and bad sound and the occasional howl of feedback ), I would have had to stand next to other Stackridge fans who would have sung along and cheered ( and held up phones ). And, quite frankly- however much I love a band- I don’t really fancy having to listen to an hour and a half of them without a break. A couple of songs would do nicely. On record. At home. With no one else there.

Not even the band.

What are the musical genres that generally fall into the above categories for you I wonder. For what it’s worth, here’s mine-

LOVE- Beatles ( well, it’s a genre all of its own really isn’t it? ), Bubblegum, Punk, Powerpop, Old Country, Groove-orientated jazz ( i.e. the type which adheres strictly to the mathematical formula tune/doodle/ back to tune ), Blues ( 1940s through to late 60s pre-dominantly ), Psychedelia, Comedy/Novelty, C86 indie, Prog ( especially Canterbury prog ), 70s funk, Motown, Rockabilly.

LIP-SERVICE- Ska, Two-Tone, Reggae.

CAN’T STAND- Musical theatre, tuneless jazz ( doodle/doodle/more fucking doodle ), ‘Alt’ Country, Electronica, Disco, Dance ( that goes boom boom boom and has a middle eight of boom boom boom followed by three days of boom boom boom ).

I once helped Andy Partridge fix a curtain rail in his house.

Over to you.....

Lounging here atop the medieval parapets of g towers shooting crows with my crossbow I was suddenly struck by a jolt of pure ennui and, as usually happens when these afflictions take hold, I hurled the crossbow in the vague direction of my haughty manservant and decided to draw up a chronicle of the significant developments in this thing we call rock- and, indeed- roll. Now, being a mighty scroll of tunes, groups and events it would surely rile you good people if I planted it here so I have placed it firmly in the comments section. Have I missed anything perchance? Or given undue attention to the ( whisper it ) *Fabs*?

Oh, hang on…here comes another crow. Hand me that bow at once you scoundrel…..

I will be loyal to my local record shop on Record Store Day and I will nip on down to Spillers to watch Y Niwl play a set but I have to say that the general born-again veneration of vinyl leaves me bemused and befuddled because all I remember are the crackles and the jumps and, frankly, if that equates with the ‘warmth’ of analogue then you can stuff it. Of course I understand that this mini-renaissance is more symbolic than practical since vinyl is such an effective visual tool in the promotion of our troubled aural emporiums. That black roundel with a hole in the middle is an emotive battle flag for people of a certain age who have forgotten the pain of listening to ‘The Snow Goose’ through what sounded like a hailstorm whilst the younger element has yet to realize what a deeply flawed medium for music it is but who may well be advocating it in the universal adolescent language of ‘fuck you grandad’ just to be awkward. So yes, I shall celebrate the sheer physicality of ownership on Saturday ( even though I have long realized that I already have all the music I want thank you very much ) and I shall make rude raspberry-type Pythonesque noises in the general direction of those nebulous ‘downloads’ but I’m afraid I won’t be buying any actual records.

Not unless they’re on CD of course.

Look, I know plugging is generally frowned upon in these gentle pastures but please may I grab a few seconds of your time to draw your attention to this programme. It's a superb piece.

Oh...and....er....Lady G made it.