Pop stars don't scare me anymore. Not since Peter Andre hung up his bullworker, anyway. However, it occurs to me that my childhood was peppered with genuinely terrifying people. Look at this Alice Cooper clip. Near the end, she grabs the girl in the audience by the hair and pretends to "dangle" her. Brrr.

Another deeply creepy man was Shane Fenton, performing here under his real name, Alvin Stardust:

These men were very much part of the mainstream but chilled the blood of the under-10s across the nation. I used to volunteer to make tea for the family when these guys came on.

So who are the kids of today terrified of now? I want to know because the PC brigade tell me it's illegal to thrash disobedient children to within an inch of their lives anymore. But they still need discipline, dammit!

PS - The usual comedy suspects (Glitter & Jackson) are deeply irrelevant to today's kids.