I think most of us admire bon mots, witticisms and arch, pithy sideways glances at life. But sometimes the most juvenile items are the ones that actually make you go PPPFFFTT! when reading routine news headlines online.

Here is an example from today (source, www.stuff.co.nz)

"An Auckland bowling club is attracting lewd behaviour more fitting of the city's inner-city streets, prompting police and council to clamp down on offenders...

Inspector Gary Allcock said police received a number of anonymous complaints about the spot over the Christmas period."

Inspector Allcock!

Vanessa Carlton - 1000 Miles

Bruce Hornsby and the Range - The Way it is

Double - Captain of Her Heart

That kind of thing. What else?

If I work for Joe's Garage Limited - and I send a letter, the letter is signed like this :

(a handwritten squiggle, i.e. my signature)
My name
My job title
Joe's Garage Limited.

Whereas if I worked for a legal firm, the firm's name is written as a handwritten squiggle and the firm's name is underneath.

Why is this done?

I was a little disappointed to find that this referred to an old Eric Clapton record, where he's reading (without laughing, I note) The Beano on the cover.

I was hoping that the comic had embarked on a new direction. But what would it be called? The Beano Album seems to be taken...

Bash Street Fighting Years?
Brimful of Gnasher?

Come on, this is important.

In the middle of handling a tricky press conference, Polish Colonel Mikolaj Przybyl shot himself in the head - and survived. Full story below:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/i-have-never-brought-sham...

If this was his way of apologising, I think we now know he means it.

When the Exploited coined these words, the pre-teenage me decided that this was how I was going to live my life:

"Snarling and gobbing and falling around
I really enjoy the freedom I've found"

Yeah! But after just a few minutes of actually being in the workplace, I quickly established that this is not the way to go. Doesn't go down well. So you have to tone it down a notch.

The reference to Cato in another thread reminds me of a work training thing where colleagues are required to "Cato" each other with surprise work questions.

They want to hear people say good-naturedly, "Nigel just Cato'd me in the lift about our latest product's features!".

Naturally, I "Cato" people about Depeche Mode lyrics and then say at the end "a bit like our latest product's features", whether that makes sense or not.

See? You *can* stick it to the man and keep your job.

How do you subvert from within?

Her poise and confidence is impressive, presumably as it's all live and no autocue. And a nice "was that all right?" look and smile at the end.

But - blimey - she's been around for a long time. In this broadcast, she refers to television as a new medium. "I may seem to many of you as a remote figure, but thanks to this new technology, I can be closer to you, even if it is only for a few minutes a year".

Inevitably, with these words, thoughts turn to the Rah Band. Yet John Peel seems to dedicate the song to Chesterfield FC and "Jeremy" in hospital.

Merry Christmas.

I feel so proud. For the last 12 years, I have called Auckland home and yearn for others to know just how special this place is.

The good news is - we're finally on the map! We officially have the creepiest public Santa in the world! Merry Christmas!

http://www.cracked.com/article_19631_the-11-most-unintentionally-creepy-...

I have a 32" Sony Bravia (bought in 2010) with internet connectivity in the rumpus room and a rubbish PC that we are about to replace. It occured to me only very recently that I could connect the rubbish PC to the telly in the rumpus room! It's still good for games and internet - it's just a bit slow sometimes.

This is where it gets technical. Is it just a case of connecting the PC's wires to the right holes in the back of the telly, so the telly is now the monitor? Is that it? Or is there something fundamental that will confound me? Any advice gratefully received.

I'm 45 and realised last night that a real benefit of getting older is that over-refreshed ladies at parties don't force you to dance with them any more. Thank God for that.

You see, I have never really liked dancing - I might sort of enjoy it after a few minutes when endorphins kick in but overall, it is an embarrassing spectacle where no-one comes out with any credit. And I really hate everything about night clubs.

I was at a party last night and nobody in the least bit minded or cared that I didn't want to dance to some total crap by Meatloaf. I was as irrelevant to proceedings the chubby coach driver in his late 50s, who I was having a very interesting chat with (about coaches).

I don't have to try to be fashionable any more either. Winning!

What other benefits are there?

Not guns. I mean people that have said priceless things in the same vein as the Trigger character in Only Fools and Horses. Because I'm the OP, I have two:

Number 1
A group of us travelled to Kidderminster to see Woking FC play a Conference game many years ago. It was very cold and we arrived very early. A warm and inviting cabin was in the ground, and inside was warmth and a nice looking bar. A big sign said "Club Members Only" (or similar) and a huge gentleman guarding the door. We were, plainly, away fans and not club members - and had no chance of entry.

"Leave this to me, lads" says our youngest member in a watch-and-learn kind of way. He approached the large gentleman at the door and said "er...can we come in?" "No" was the short answer.
"Tried my best..."

Number 2
A painter and decorator was on a job, painting a door. He said "If I had a pound for every door I have painted, I'd be a rich man now...".
Long silence. Apprentice pipes up:
"but you charge more than a quid for painting a door, don't you?". "Well yeah...but I've been doing this a long time".
"Have you ever charged less than a quid for painting a door?"
"No...er...that's not the point"
"Enlighten me then...what is your point?"

And so on.

Are there others out there?

I was just reading about Reg Varney on another thread and it made me wonder about when - perhaps - the casting went a bit wobbly. Reg's character in On the Buses was a single man, living at home with his mum and sister, who had an eye for the ladies - he was often found gropin' at the back of the bus with a new 17 year-old clippy. So why did they cast a 53 year old man for that role?

It's not just the writing, it's the actors themselves that make something great. Dad's Army, for example.

I do think that tricks were missed in the past where, I think, the wrong person was cast. Bridget Jones and Luke Skywalker also spring to mind. Any others?

Just posting because I have always loved it and I love this kind of thing. I expect no responses and no up arrows.

Just a refresher for anyone who may be in Auckland next week...

A compact and bijou Mingle will be at:

The Library Bar
1 Pakenham Street East, Auckland
7.30ish
Wednesday, 12 October

Me, Fraser, Nick Duvet & apend01 have declared ourselves match fit. Would love to see anyone else that has Word leanings.

Dan Carter, now that he's got some time on his hands, may well* stick his head round the door.

*legal notice - for "may well", read "definitely won't"

I look at this here blog on several different machines, but primarily a 6 year old PC at home. I know, I know...where's me ear trumpet etc.

On the PC, if I click on a thread with lots of you tube clips - sometimes time stands still while the PC thinks about it. Sometimes, after 5 minutes of silence, a baffling message pops up asking me if I want to continue or stop a script. Don't know, Sir.

Worse, my GLW sometimes comes to the PC to discover a frozen Word discussion thread about Richard Thompson's ball bag (or something). To give some context, I tell her that I read the blog because I have a scholarly interest in popular music culture. My case is undermined by that sort of thing.

As is always the case with computers, it's probably my fault somewhere down the line. Is there something I can do? At work, you can't see the embedded youtube clips. Maybe I can do that on some sort of setting somewhere?