Would anyone still have a free invite to Spotify?

And if so would they mind passing one on to a friend of mine please? I'd be very grateful.

The great and good El Hombre Malo helped me out in fine style last time.

This one is for a good friend I visited last week. He was having a terrible time trying to stream the new Mumford and Sons album from his laptop to his kitchen speakers.

'Bloody software isn't working. I wish I had Spotify. I might sign up but I'm not sure if I'd use it that much for the cost'

'Hold the phone there, Old Fruit!' I said. 'I know a lovely bunch of people who might be able to help'

That would be you, The Massive.

Do let me know if you would like to help via the contact email.

Thank you very much.

Was sat watching highlights of the Reading Festival on BBC3 earlier and saw The Arcade Fire singing a song.

A committed bunch, all were flailing away with earnest and making a cohesive noise when the camera lit on a lad at stage left. He was holding what looked like a snare drum and was hitting it with a stick whilst intermittently singing the backing doo wah wahs into a mic.

I couldn't hear anything he was doing. If the cameraman hadn't noticed him then neither would I.

Now I know nothing of the 'Fires. I don't know if this bloke normally plays the sackbut or the trombone at the highest level for them and was merely busking during this number, but I suspect he is one of a hardy breed; the band member who needn't be there. There he was jumping up and down and hitting a drum. When all along, behind him, was a fully amplified drumkit and drummer doing the same job to much greater effect. As mentioned, on occasion, he stepped up to a mic and poured his soul down it. Which was good of him, but again, the lead singer was doing a much better and more audible job of it.

Why was he there? Did he really travel over the atlantic in a 777 to do all of that? Does he practise? If so, what? And for how long?

How many other utterly unneccesary band members have there been past and present?

1. That John Alderton in 'Please, Sir!' is the double of Paul McCartney at that same time (early '70s)

2. That the bloke who played the living one out of 'Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased)' is the image of Paul Whitehouse now.

3. That the bloke in Corrie with the high voice is in fact Alan Shearer doing acting.

Good evening.

I've just picked up my copy of George Macdonald Fraser's 'The Steel Bonnets: A History of the Anglo-Scottish Border Reivers'.

It's something I've done a significant number of times in the 15 years or so that I've owned it.

It starts well - and I'm the man who should know - and each time I get going with it my mood is one of pleasurable expectation. I want to read it. And yet I never have.

There are reasons for this. I like to read and more often than not can have at least two books on the go. I commute into work and use that time to read one book. When at home I have another, to read in bed or when not making shallow comments on here. In between I can dip into all sorts of different volumes that pique my interest.

And so it seems I get pulled away into reading other books from isbn number to index and The Steel Bonnets gets left until I have to close it and start again from the beginning at another time. So often now I almost feel that its a certainty I won't get past page 65.

Does this sort of thing happen with any of you? Do you have one book that you know you will enjoy and you want to get through but circumstance has never let you?

Cats aren't worth that much, really.

Try stealing diamonds instead. They're worth more and generally quieter.

In these recessionary times all of us now seem to feel a need to make cheaper more affordable fun.

I've invented something that's done the job for me recently and thought I'd share.

If, on occasion, your beloved FPO should feel the need to watch the terrestrial broadcast of a film you already own on DVD because he/she was 'just in the mood to see it again', here's what you do:

- Make sure your beloved is out of the room just prior to the opening credits rolling.
- Insert your DVD copy into the player and set it going at a point slightly ahead of the action.
- Switch the tv channel back to the broadcast version.

Now, during the viewing of the broadcast version divert your beloved's attention now and again and serruptitiously change the channel to the out-of-sync DVD version. And then back again. Watch your beloved's face. It will be a picture.

Do this until:

A - you're found out and you both have a jolly good laugh
B - you're found out and you wake up in Casualty.

Oxo today shelved plans to bring out a commemorative red, white and blue oxo cube in honour of our illustrious World Cup bid.

It turned out to be a laughing stock which crumbled in the box.

Not entirely sure why I'm posting because I have to confess I'm not all that fussed whether England win or lose.

But. It might be fun to predict the score and scorers.

So, I have consulted the oracles and fingered the droppings of small animals and I predict that:

England win 1-0.

Gerrard will score the only goal again within the first 20 minutes and England will lock the whole game down shutting out Slovenia until final whistle.

What say you? ABE flights of fancy welcomed from one and all aswell!

All 4 cans, right on the back of the head. Brilliant.

Basil Brush has moved house.

The quickest way to get anything done around here is to ask The Word Massive.

I have the free version Spotify. Recently I promised a lad here at work that I would send him an invitation to it and get him on.

On checking my account details it appears I have no invitations left, despite the fact that I have no memory of ever passing any on to anyone else. So I'm a trifle fromaged that I've made a promise I now can't keep. Perhaps I should have got my facts right first.

Therefore I have two questions which I hope some of you may be able to clarify for me:

1. Does the free version of Spotify still allow invites to be sent out to others?
2. Seeing as I can't recall sending out invites to any other could there have been a glitch or error on my account that has erased or denied me the chance to invite anyone?

No doubt the question bubbling behind your own lips is 'Well ask Spotify, Vile Betrayer!'

I shall, but the most immediate and useful response has always been yours, kind Massive.

Any thoughts or comments gratefully received. Thanks.

Don't worry. I'm healthy and content. Well fed and in the bosom of a loving family. I have no right to complain unduly.

But it seems that the wheels have fallen off most of the things I've done at work this week and I feel a bit of a numpty sat here at the moment.

Would anyone like to tell me (and us all) a joke, or an amusing story, or point to a cheerful link to erase the embarrasment and cheer me up?

Thanks to all the good members of this admirable site in advance.

Have a good weekend everyone

Rented 'Let The Right One In' at the weekend.

I am not here to mock the Swedish Language or the film itself. Quite the opposite. I implore you all to watch it if you haven't already. More than anything it's an affecting adolescent love story which rises above the matter-of-fact scenes of domestic vampirism.

But the last time I saw a film begin with Swedish credits it was Monty Python's Holy Grail. I'm afraid I gave in to some pretty inane tittering as they rolled.

Moose bites can be pretti nasti you no.

Sing 'Hummingbird'

I post for no other reason than from 0:00 to 4:12 it is joy unrestrained.

A small delight. What acoustic instruments were made for. Fair brightened up a Monday night in our house.

A few months ago I put a question in a blog entry asking what was the name of the purely imaginary band you always wanted to form but never did.

Mine was the cosmically shit 'Modus Operandi'. I recall this thread got a heavy response at the time but I didn't follow up with the pertinent second question; what was the name of your debut album going to be?

Mine, again, was the toe-clenchingly laughable 'Store In A Cool Place'

I'm sure most here have written an imaginary album right down to the 'Special thanks to' list on the sleeve.

What did you call it?