Something seems about to happen to Hype Machine - although, apparently, not a $10million sale to Viacom. That is "not very accurate" according to HM's Anthony Volodkin. Not, you'll notice, completely wrong.

Just not very accurate.

Having decided that Gordon Brown can't help but tell lies, doubtless the Spectator's ongoing list of Prime Ministerial fibs will swell to include Brown claiming that a Briton invented the iPod. It seems obvious, though, that Brown has confused "designed" with "invented". Which might not say very much for his ability to remain in control of facts, come to think of it.

How many relaunches has Conor McNicholas overseen now? He surely must have signed off more new designs for the paper than the title has had editors, with this week yet another relaunch hitting the shelves. To be honest, though, if it didn't tell you it was a relaunch and it didn't have a "new-look NME" welcome letter from Conor, you wouldn't notice overmuch. The hope is that they didn't spend very much money on it, because it's such pointless fiddling it's unlikely to add a single sale. It's unlikely to stop the audience ebbing away, either.

A couple of weeks ago, Conor announced through his editor's letter that the era of the samey-sounding guitar band was over, which makes the decision to relaunch with a deadly dull Coldplay cover, complete with eyewatering interview and free seven inch single of their new stuff. This, Conor says, "sounds eerily like The Stone Roses" - it doesn't, of course, but it's interesting that the way forward for the NME in this age of new, exciting different music is to put a decade-old band on the cover and talk of them in terms of a two-decade old band.

We've argued in the past that the NME should be less obsessed with chasing teenaged readers who don't care that much about music and focus on readers of all ages who love music, but the idea of just hammering together an obvious canon and dressing it up as heritage isn't what we had in mind - the constant churning of Sex Pistols/Clash/Roses/Oasis/Coldplay/Beatles seems less like a magazine which feels comfortable with pop history, more like a title that is clinging to a catechism. There are some hints of a smarter magazine trying to find its way out. Hamish McBain, at least, has a good stab at trying to write about music in a way that escapes the day trip to Mount Rushmore in the Roots column, turning in as strong a defence of Graceland as anyone could manage in fifty words; Jaimie Hodgson reports on the "return of riot grrrl", co-opting Heavenly into the original version - arguable, but at least there's a mention of Heavenly in the NME for the first time in a decade. It'd be nice to think we'll see more of this in the future, although probably not.

New features? Not so much - indeed, the "new" ideas are just old ones resurrected. To be honest, we're not sure if the 'article by pop star/article by writer' pairing of topical pieces had been dropped before, but if it had, it's been revived; Thrills' throwaway That Perpetual Motion has been dusted down and reborn as 12 Steps. The design has been tweaked, slightly - much, much more of the yellow that marketing departments believe people want.

But the real problem is the value. The magazine is £2.20 a week now. Two pounds twenty. That's more than the bloody Financial Times. At the weekend. Or The Obserber, which one a month comes with a better music magazine.

There's also about 34 pages of advertising, if you count plugs for other parts of the NME empire. Out of 76 pages in total. So, you're paying five pence for each page of content - hardly a compelling option for the casual buyer. Maybe the logical thing to do would be to abandon charging - perhaps except for subscribers, who could pay to ensure their supply - and try to build the readership that way. It might make more long-term sense than another relaunch every six months.

Great news on the Zune sales front - assuming, of course, that you work for Apple or Sandisk: the two millionth Zune has just been sold, almost a year to the day after the first million was passed. Not terrible sales, but not picking up much speed, either.

Of course, two million units isn't bad, and Microsoft has now got four per cent of the portable music player market, cementing its third-in-the-sector place. The lack of an appearance on the European market suggests - for the moment at least - Microsoft's priorities lay elsewhere.

I need you to watch Malcolm Gladwell's TED talk "What We Can Learn From Spaghetti Sauce". I'll post the link at the bottom. It's an almost eighteen minute video. You won't understand where he's going until at least half way through. But, as he reaches his climax, you'll identify with the [...]

James P emails with a link and an assurance that it's not a repeat. Well, it is, but not in the sense that it's a story being re-run, just history repeating itself, as Peaches Geldof's people again explain how her leaving a shop with items unpaid for was a terrible coincidence and nothing to do with incipient kleptomania:
Geldof's lawyer said: "The correct facts are these; our client was shopping in an east London retailer trying on clothes with friends. She bought a number of articles of clothing from the retailer. One article she tried on and discarded was picked up by a friend in the mistaken belief that it belonged to our client.

"Some time later, when our client and her companions were at another shop, the friend who had picked up the item was approached by the shop owner - [from] whose stock it came - and she explained that she had taken the item in the belief that it belonged to our client.

"When our client explained that it did not belong to her, her companion apologised for her mistake, and the item was returned to its owner."
It happens to us all. As James observes:
Hang on, let me check the official term from her legal people here... Ah yes, 'Trying on clothes in a shop and then discarding a garment which a friend thinks is actually hers and so helpfully puts in her bag for her, only for her to be accosted later on by shop staff who had to explain that it hadn't actually been paid for'. They might want to come up with a name for that, considering how often it seems to happen. Still, kudos to the shop staff who managed to resist the temptation to shout "Just give us yer fucking money"

It makes me wonder if she actually leaked that drug-deal video herself, on purpose. You know, just to prove that she does pay for stuff sometimes.

Last time it was Red Guitars, now Red Lorry Yellow Lorry. There wasn't, actually, any compulsion to incorporate the word "Red" (or, indeed, "Rhino") into your band name to work with Red Rhino. This bunch - who played Leeds on Friday, apparently - were signed to the Red Rhino label; this track is Spinning Around from 1985:



[Buy: The Best of Red Lorry Yellow Lorry]

[Part of the Red Rhino weekend]

The last time police popped round to one of DMX's houses, they found a number of dead dogs. DMX's people scratched their heads and expressed surprise, claiming that he was a big animal lover, the 2002 conviction for animal cruelty notwithstanding.

What a surprise, then, to hear of a raid on another of DMX's houses, where police claim they found more evidence of animal cruelty, and drugs, and guns. Last time round, DMX tried to blame it all on the caretaker; this time, as he was in residence, he might need to think of something else.

Indeed, he tried to give himself some thinking time:
The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office said Mr Simmons had initially barricaded himself in his bedroom when officers arrived at his home at 0300 local time, but eventually surrendered without offering further resistance.
His lawyer, though, is pretty bullish about his client's innocence. Not pitbullish, of course, because that would probably end with his body being found in a shallow grave out the back of the house:
Mr Simmons's lawyer, Murray Richman, said he believed evidence did not support the charges of animal cruelty, which has been a major focus of Sheriff Arpaio.

"I think that the animal cruelty is not going to be able to be established and I think that this is Sheriff Joe's moment," he said.
We're sure there's nothing to be read into Richman's decision to say the charge couldn't be established, rather than denying any animal cruelty took place.

Justin Timberlake has got involved with a new MTV gameshow:
Justin Timberlake is set to put his music career on the back burner and produce a new reality game show for MTV.
Somehow, we're finding it hard to believe that Timberlake's production role is going to be so hands-on that it might stop his music career from flourishing.

The gameshow is basically that old local radio stand-by, ringing a phone, seeing if someone picks it up and then asking them answer a question and win a prize. The only slightly modern twist is that instead of calling a phonebox, they'll be callling a mobile phone instead.

MTV is excited, of course. MTV are always excited:
Speaking about the show, MTV executive vice-president Tony Disanto said: "Reinvention is at the core of what we do, and The Phone does just that. Each week will be an action-packed mini-movie.”
We're not sure that flinging on a game show is a reinvention of MTV, which has been showing flim-flam that has little to do with music for years and years.

Whoever would have thought that, beneath all the macho posturing and crotch-grabbing and bitch this and ho that of hip-hop, there's a lot of closeted homosexuality in the rap world?

Oh, you'd guessed?

Terrance Dean used to work for MTV, and he's now published a book revealing what he's seen. Although he's not actually naming names. Some of these guys have guns, you know:
That gay hip hop subculture certainly seems to be thriving. Dean's book describes a world where many industry executives and some artists are leading secret gay lives, which are often obvious to everyone but rarely talked about. And, despite using some false names, the book contains enough information so that it will undoubtedly spark off a frenzy of speculation as to who some of the characters are in real life.

For example, Dean describes 'Lola', a singer who is a lesbian and had to keep her sexuality secret. And 'Gus', a male rap artist who appeared on television in typical 'gangsta' style yet hid a secret gay life. Then there are the other hints of big-name celebrities close to the hip hop business who are also gay. They include 'Lucas', a married A-list movie star, and 'Kareem', a leading sitcom actor.
Dean claims his motives for publishing the book are pure, and not merely an attempt to sell books off the back of a "guess who this is meant to be" style guessing game:
Dean hopes that by bringing out his book he will allow a leading hip hop figure to come out as gay and thus pave the way for the notoriously homophobic industry to come to terms with its secret side. 'Within the next year I believe a major artist will come out. They are going to have to be brave but I think they can do it,' he said.
It's a bit of a hope - an artist comes out as gay and all of a sudden Eminem's going to be comfortable around gay men who aren't Elton John? Good luck with that one, Terrance.

To be honest, we don't think Adele has ever said that she won't lose weight, ever - although her comments about her body shape tend to get reported as if that's what she's said, if you read what she actually said was she wouldn't lose weight because other people tell her she should:
'The press are always trying to bring it up,' she says, regarding me balefully, 'but I really don't give a toss. If I wanted to be on the cover of FHM, then of course I'd be, like, fuck, I need to lose weight or, I need some fake tan or I need to get my teeth fixed. But I'd rather be on the cover of Q for my music.'
Likewise, although Zoe Zoe Showbiz in today's Sunday Mirror heads her story:
Adele wants to lose weight before heading to America

Adele is shortly heading off to the States - so has decided to slim.
the only quote Zoe offers suggests that, actually, all that's happened is Adele is drinking less and the weightloss is a side-effect:
"I haven't had a drink for 20 days and I've noticed the effect."
Which isn't quite the same thing as obsessively slimming in order to please the Americans.

The Red Guitars' label, Self Drive, was distributed by Red Rhino, whose contribution to the UK independent music scene we're celebrating this weekend. This is another homebrewed video, for their debut single Good Technology:



[Available, but eye-wateringly expensive: 1986's Tales Of The Expected album]

[Part of the Red Rhino weekend]

Rav Singh slyly drops the name that Gordon Smart didn't have to hand this week, adding a name and picture of the woman who may or may not be the mystery blonde Smart is convinced that Fielder-Civil will run off with. Actually, she turns out to be a brunette, called Sarah Thomas, and Singh offers nothing to suggest that she's going to be the next Mrs. Fielder-Civil beyond a quote from his Mum who says that she's told Blake that's what he should do. Not, you'll note, that that's what he is going to do.

Rav, meanwhile, reports back breathlessly from Radio One's Big Weekend:
I was backstage to bring you all the goss
And what does he have to tell us? Erm, that Usher was there, and Duffy played some songs onstage.

Worth the return rail fare to Maidstone, then.

As Madonna performs the 975th "spontaneous" faux-lesbian kiss of her career to date, the News of the World runs a page of semi-famous women kissing semi-famous women and asks:
Why are so many showbiz babes obsessed with kissing girls?
The answer, of course, is because then the News of the World will run pictures of them kissing each other.

Although that's not what the paper's expert Pam Spurr believes:
"In fact it is the most common, male fantasy: being able to watch two women together and then hoping they'll get to join in."
No, Doctor Pam. You're wrong.

This is the most common male fantasy. It's just they never tell sex surveys.

The ten-biggest non-search referring domains from the last twelve months have been:

1. news.bbc.co.uk
2. whatsheonaboutnow.blogspot.com
3. elbo.ws
4. sweepingthenation.blogspot.com
5. wikipedia.org
6. wordmagazine.co.uk
7. music.guardian.co.uk
8. thelibertines.org.uk
9. drownedinsound.com
10. jamiesrunoutgroove.blogspot.com

These were the interesting releases:


The Wave Pictures - Instant Coffee Baby


Tokyo Police Club - Elephant Shell


Sebadoh - Bubble And Scrape Reissued, expanded, returning


Various - Early Girls US teen girl pop from early 60s


Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes


Mexican Institute Of Sound - Mejico Maxico


Zombie Zombie - A Land For Renegades


Ray - Death In Fiction


Hadouken - Music For An Accelerated Culture


The Shortwave Set - Replica Sun Machine


Delays - Everything's The Rush


Various - Strange Pleasures - Further Sounds Of The Decca Underground Triple disc set of lost proggy and soft-prog classics

Steal yourselves, gentle people of Britain: We're unlikely to see a new Sugababes album this year. They're going to avoid being in a confined space with each other for as long as they possibly can ("they're going to take it slowly"):
"We were supposed to release an album this year and we decided against it," Keisha Buchanan told the Daily Star. "With each album we feel we've produced a better one when we have been given time to write about stuff - and we have been through so much this year alone.

"I think sometimes people forget we do write our own material. Even when we have a co-writer, there can be 12 people writing one sentence and we're writing the bulk of the song. We want to feel inspired."
It's an interesting glimpse into the songwriting process - you do find yourself wondering why, if the Babes are able to write 99% of a song, they feel it necessary to draft in a busload of people to help with the odd line. That would seem a little like Michaelangelo calling in someone to do the skirting boards, wouldn't it?

Another act distributed by Red Rhino, UV Pop. This is an enthusiast-produced video for the track No Songs Tomorrow, from the RR-distributed 1986 album Bendy Baby Man:



[Part of Red Rhino weekend]

Dave Mustaine is tetchy about what you call him:
On whether it's inappropriate to picture him as a "curator" of heavy metal:

"Not a curator, bud. That sounds like a smoking jacket and a pipe — don't make me have to kill you. How about 'elder statesman' or something like that? That's cool."
Given that My Bloody Valentine are curating All Tomorrow's Parties, and most elder statesmen are people whose political careers have ended in one form of failure or another, that seems a strange ordering of priorities. But then, this is a man who is still ploughing on with Megadeth. In 2008. Which isn't so very far from adopting the title Lord Mustaine Of Weston and pottering about on in the background during BBC Parliament's coverage of the Upper Chamber.

Of course, the Lords is where politicians go to die, and that's something else that is on Mustaine's mind:
"I've certainly embraced my mortality as of lately. Growing up, I never thought I would live this long. Now, I'm at that age where I'm thinking, 'If I live to be 92 — I'm 46 right now — I'm at the halfway point in my life.' I'm not going to be 92. ... (My) insides are already 92."
His intestines are twice as old as his upper dermis? Does he get older as you work your way outward? If you cut him in half, would there be rings to count, like with a tree?

Dan Gillespie Sells is worried. He's scared to death that, what with The Feeling and Madonna both playing the Radio One Roadshow this weekend, he might run into her:
"I'm a massive fan of Madonna. I've been a fan of hers for years. She's a real artist."

He said: "She scares me. There are some people I'd go talk to and I'd know what to say. But with someone like her I wouldn’t really know what to say."
Don't worry, Dan - it's most likely that careful planning has been put into making sure that Madonna won't accidentally bump into the likes of you backstage. Indeed, her people would be more frightened if you found herself talking to her than you'd be - surely letting that happen would be a sacking offence?

The inching towards the possibility of a full-blown Led Zeppelin tour continues, with an announcement from David Coverdale that it's going to happen. Or, at least, that he thinks it's going to happen. And how does he know? He's fully expecting to be on the bill:
"I'm expecting a call from Jimmy any day asking my band Whitesnake to support them on their world tour. Am I on board? You bet. Probably worth billions,” he said.

"Unlike rolling out the wheelchairs with the umpteenth Rolling Stones world tour, a Led Zeppelin tour will be incredible."
Perhaps. But if it's going to be that incredible, wouldn't having Whitesnake as an opener be a bit underwhelming?